My Immortal Commentary
by SlytherinMommy
Summary: This is a commentary of MI the worst fic ever posted on the internet! Enjoy! I am posting this as M due to the fact that she drops the F-bomb a lot and the "he stuck his thingie in my you know what" scene. lol
1. Chapter 1

~SlytherinMommy~  
I am not Tara I am simply doing a commentary because it's to funny not to and I'm hoping it will help me get over my writers block. lol  
Also this is in its orginal form besides my comments as far as i know it is anyways.  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter nor any of its characters nor do I own any of this shit that Tara wrote!

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik **No I don't.**) 2 my gf (ew not in that way)** You said it not me…** raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. **Wait you had help!?** U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! **Oh you poor guy!** MCR ROX!

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Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness **whats with the ' in Darkness? **Dementia **You do know this is a disease right?** Raven Way and I have long ebony black **A bit redundant you think? ** hair (that's how I got my name) **No shit!?** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid **WTF limpid?** tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee **I've met her and no you do not!**(AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here! **I do know who she is sadly**). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **Um I believe this is called INCEST and it's a no no ebony!** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **Oppose to what green and curly?** I have pale white skin. **Pale white skin eh? I thought it would be pale red or some such!** I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **SCOTLAND! **where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).** DERP** I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell **NO WAY I THOUGHT YOU WERE A PREP!**) and I wear mostly black **Yep most goffik vampires do**. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow **Unwarranted description of slutty outfit number 1!**. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **This is called SLEET!** so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me **Probably because you didn't have a coat on..** . I put up my middle finger at them. **What a charming young lady.**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. **What's with the dramatics?** Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **WHEN HAS DRACO EVER SAID ANYTHING SHYLY!? HIS FATHER WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS!**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **Greatest news EVER! Now please stay away!**


	2. Chapter 2

.

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **_If by good you mean so horrible it's great to laugh at then yes, yes it is._**

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! The fact that you had help still amazes me! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! Anyone else notice that she spelled flaming right at least once?

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The next day I woke up in my bedroom **_NO WAY! I DID TOO I DO THAT ALMOST EVERY MORNING_****!**. It was snowing and raining again**. You mean sleeting?** I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **_Where did this blood come from? Is Dumbledore aware of this_****?** My coffin was black ebony **_ebony black you don't say?_** **_I thought it would be ebony green!_** and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. **_Ends of what?_** I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **_Unneeded clothing description 2!_**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u**_! I bet she cringed when she read this._**) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **_Wait she looked at you and grinned with her eyes closed?_** She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **_description 3!_**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. **_So at this Hogwarts in England the Slytherin common room is next to the great hall eh?_**

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **_Wow I love the way she makes up words its great really!_**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **_Um no. they are doing no such thing seeing as to how they would have to go into the past to do this and also they are a muggle band and cannot even see let alone perform in Hogsmeade!_**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **_Did you really say GC and MCR? Because that would have just been odd._**

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

**_I love how every ending is dramatic it's just awesome. lol_**

**_Please flame away just makes sure you direct your flames at Tara or Ebony not me! lol_**


	3. Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! **_PLEASE GOD FLAME AWAY!_** odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **I_ wish the original was up just so I can see if there really were good reviews!_**FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **_Yes we know you don't it's very clear!_****_  
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On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. **_Lace?_** I put on matching fishnet on my arms. **_Description 4?_** I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky_. **How the hell do you straighten your hair and make it look spikey?**_I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **Really only one?** I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding **_Being that you are a vampire how did you bleed in the first place and shouldn't you have healed unnaturally fast?_** and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. **_I'll remember this next time I'm going to a concert, also whose blood and how did you get it?_****  
**  
I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. **_He is a pureblood I assure you he does not have a car flying or otherwise!_** He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt **_Another muggle band that I'm sure he's never heard of_****!**(they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **_No not ok in anyway what so ever!_**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **_How does one exclaim something in a depressed voice?_**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into**_You both walked into it? How did neither one of you see it?_**his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **_Drugs are bad mm'kay?_** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. **_Did it hurt when you fell since you didn't LAND the FLYING car?_** We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song_). **Yes you said that at the beginning of this chapter.**_

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. **_What a lovely thing to say to one's date I must remember to do this next time I go out._**

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **_I can't possibly imagine why he would!_**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **_No really did you now?_**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **_Draco sensitive? Yea ok!_**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **_Blonde face? Really she has a furry blonde face in this fic?_**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! **_DUN DUN DUN!_**

**_CLIFFHANGER ENDING! Didn't see that coming at all!_**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **_Enoby_**_-**Wan Kenobi?**_Nut **_hehe "nut_****"** mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **_When the hell did they meet each other before?_**

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"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **_what's with all the shouting?_**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.**_How was the fall that time? Not to your deaths I see, well there's always next time!_**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **_Geez you are always angry!_**

"Ebony?" he asked. **_What happen to ENOBY?_**

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness **_This turns you on? Usually when a guy takes a girl's top a forest and looks at her with evilness it's not a good thing._** And then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then… **_DOT DOT DOT_** suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly **_Um this is not how you use this word at all_****.** against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. **_No way really!? The bra_**** _too!?_** Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what **_you have got to be kidding me! This is such an epic fail at a sex scene I can't even begin to just ARHG_**and we did it for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then…. **_Oh no what!? The suspense is killing me!_**

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **_BEST LINE IN THE CHAPTER!_**

It was….Dumbledore! **_DUN DUN DUN_**

**_CLFF HANGER HANGING FROM A CLIFF AND THAT'S WHY HES CALLED CLIFFHANGER!  
I'll give cookies to whoever can tell me what that's from! ~slytherinmommy~_**


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